TALK OF THE DAY.
Brandied for life-the old toper's nose.-[Cleveland Sun.
An act to amend-sewing on buttons.-[Washington Critic.
Bad weather prophets-made on the sale of umbrellas-[Texas Siftings.
A burglar generally makes his home run after he reaches the plate.-[Lowell Citizen.
A poor tailor makes a poor coat, and a poor writer makes a poor quota also. -[Whitehall Times.
It seems to be an historical fact that Kilkenny cats played at cross purr-passes.-[Charlestown Enterprise.
Anarchist Most declares that "liberty is a lie." We don't see why he need be afraid of it, then.-[Boston Post.
Thompson-"Suppose a man should call you a liar, what should you do!" Jones (hesitatingly)-"What sized man!"
The married man as well as the pugilist is now often knocked out by spring wraps.-[Philadelphia North American.
Cholera is disappearing in Chili, and arrangements are being made for the regular spring insurrection.-[Chicago Mail.
It is strange that the potters do not go into the base ball business. They can make such good pitchers.-[Pittsburgh Chronicle.
A dog is property when it has been stolen;but it is not property when the tar assessor comes round.-[New Orleans Picayune.
A married man remarks that the principal difference between a man's hat and a woman's bonnet is about $12.-[Minneapolis Journal.
Popularity is a thing that is very seldom found by those who search for it persistently, and comes oftener from accident than design.
Washington newspaper men are generally pretty good company at a public dinner. You know they all tell capital stories.-[Somerville Journal.
Some very serious burglaries have taken place at Sing Sing. This is getting pretty rear home for burglars.-[Nyack City and Country.
A New York paper says there is considerable bustle in the dry goods market, but then there always is when the ladies go shopping.-[Pittsburgh Chronicle.
Four well-known Boston ladies in town won $100 apiece on the first game with the Nationalists. They are win-some creatures.-[Washington Post.
Now is the time when the man who keeps hens begins to be viewed with intense anxiety by his neighbors who have gardens.-[Burlington Free Press.
A million girls rolled into one would not have a tithe of the vanity of the man whose youth is past and whose old age has not begun.-[Philadelphia News.
Men will spend a dollar at the bar while declaiming against the outrage of charging twenty-five cents admission to a temperance lecture.-[Texas Siftings.
Pugilist-"I heard you wanted some one to post bills." Showman-"I do. Have you had experience?" P.-"No, but I'm a first-class paster."-[Boston Budget.
"He that giveth to the poor Iendeth to the Lord." Omaha is being paid back with twenty per cent. Compound interest in the sale of the Poor Farm.-[Omaha World.
An exchange mentions angels and politics in the same breath. It has a mingled odor that reminds one of an amulgamation of violets and garlic.-[Memphis Avalanche.
Alma Tadema, the artist, has a staircase in his new London residence made of brass. Being modest himself, he felt the need of a brazeu stare. -New Haven News.
Jennie June says the evening party died out because gentlemen wouldn't attend. In other words, the girls had nobody to take them-[Rochester Democrat and Chronicle.
"Waiter, waiter, here's a collar-button in the soup." "Yes, sir, put there a purpose, sir." "What for?", "For the man who collared the soup, sir."-Cleveland Sun.
John Fries, of Philadelphia, was arrested for snatching the eye-glasses from the nose of a young lady. The motive for his crime is easily seen through.-[Norristown Herald.
The binding of tools in the British Museum have a special significance. Historical works are in red, theological in blue, poetical in yellow, and natural history in green. Law sticks to calf.
Buffalo Bill visited the British House of Commons, and every time he reached for his handkercheif the M. Ps. dodged so that they nearly fell out of their seats.-[Burlington Free Press.
Painters and carpenters are very fortunate persons, for no matter how incompetent they may be as workmen, they neverthless, go to the top of the ladder as often as they desire.-[Boston Budget.
Miss B-"Why is it, Mr. A.,that wheneveer you refer to a Boston friend you invariably use the word fellow!"
