247

Chicago Herald
July 1st

GHOST OF P. T.BARNUM.

HIS SPECTER AROUSES KATE FIELD.

She Gives Fair Managers a Hint of What
the Great Showman Would Have
Done to Furnish Sadly Lacking
Pleasure Novelties.

GENTLEMEN OF THE ORLD'S FAIR ADMINISTRATION.
SIRS:-As days fly the shortcomings
of the great fair are becoming
shorter and, if it were to be a joy forever,
the worst faultfinder on earth might sit
down complacently with folded hands and
wait for the good time coming. Unfortunately
the-life of the fair is one-third
gone already, and, while you are serving an
apprenticeship in the show business, cutting
your teeth on the public, when, like
Richard III., you should have been born
with a full set, wisdom teeth included,
this same public dislike the part they play
in a suggestive evolution. They object to
acting In the capacity of india rubber extraordinary.

Don't be offended, gentlemen, for no
offense is intended-you are very clever;
you are bright and shining lights in your
own spheres, but remember what was once
said about a distinguished American who
undertook to manage a hostelry for the
first time. "He's a fine man, but he can't
keep a hotel."

You are fine citizens, but you don't know
how to run a show. Resent the expression
as much as you please, the World's Columbian
Exposition is nothing more nor less
than the greatest show on earth. That is
the reason people go to it and that's the
reason every man, woman and child out of
swaddling clothes ought to see It early and
often.

What P. T, Barnum Would Have Done.

There's just one man who could have made
the fair a gigantic financial success and
he is dead. Of course, I mean the lamented
P. T. Barnum, who knew how to fool and
how to amuse the public. He did not hesitate
to declare in his autobiography that the
people liked to be humbugged, provided the
humbug were well done. He knew human
nature from A to Izzard and the first thing
he always did to catch his public was to
make it so easy for them to get to his show
that they couldn't keep away. If he had
been taken into your confidence he would
have made love to the railroads before
turning up ground for your magnificent
buildings. Having settled upon excursions
from every part of the United States, Central
and South America and Mexico, he
would have negotiated with the Cooks and
Gazes of Europe and arranged with Atlantic
steamers to bring their excursionists
at reduced rates. Having gone thus
far, Mr. Barnum would have sent out drummers
to beat up trade and these drummers
would have set every town and hamlet wild
with enthusiasm. Excursions would
have been as thick as Colorado flies in
August, and you would have needed clubs to
prevent them from taking Jackson Park by
assault and battery.

Sure of an audience of 300,000 & day, Mr.
Barnum would have then arranged your
programme accordingly. Knowing that the
average man and woman likes music and
motion better than anything else, he would
have secured every great military band in
the world that could be had for love or
money.

Bands From Every Corner of the Earth.

He would have appealed to the national
pride of France, England, Germany, Austria,
Russia, Italy, Greece, Turkey,
Sweden and Norway, Belgium, Spain,
Switzerland, the Netherlands, Australia,
Canada, Mexico, all the republics of Central
and South America, Asia and Africa and
every state in our own country to contribute
their very best bands. The grandeur
of the Idea would have so possessed the
minds of the world's potentates and powers
that the band exhibit alone of the fair would
have set our entire population of 65,000,000
dancing. Where the sound of one band
ended another band would have begun, as in
a parade. Thus justice would have been
done to every nook and cranny of the fair
and no exhibitor would have had a chance to
complain of neglect. His cup of joy would
have been full to overflowing and you
would have had the happiest possible family
at Jackson Park. Nobody would have had
a grievance; if he had he would have buried
it in the recesses of his own bosom.

Mr. Barnum's next move would have been
to secure living attractions for every section
of the fair, so that the Midway Plaisance
would not have carried off the lion's share
of talk and patronage. He would have
opened up negotiations with Buffalo Bill
and never permitted him to set up a show of
his own outside the fair grounds. It should
have been one of the conditions that there
was to be a Wild West parade at 10
o'clock in the morning daily in order to get
the public early on the grounds and please
women and children-when you satisfy
these important factors in every household
you please the men and get their money.

What a Little Bird Tells.

A small bird tells me that Buffalo Bill
wanted to make terms with the fair, but was
told that the Wild West was not sufficiently
dignified to meet the requirements of the directory!

Are the native tribes of Africa and Asia
more worthy of recognition than brave
American cowboys, native American Indians
and a congress of rough riders of the
world?

It was a mistake, gentlemen, to reject
Buffalo Bill's offer-a mistake for the fair,
but a blessed decision for Colonel Cody and
his able managers, who will cover their
great outlay before the fair is half over and
amuse themselves raking in the shekels during
September and October. You have
probably seen the error of your ways since
then, as another bird says that Tattersall's
fine show of horses is to take possession of
that empty arena at the south side of Jackson
Park. That fine circus has made me
ache at its loneliness. It should be full of
animals and people every hour of the day.

Having secured Buffalo Bill and all the
four-legged animals on earth, Mr. Barnum
would have secured samples of every known
army and put them behind their national
bands on parade days, which would have been
every day in the week. The militia of every
state would have been invited to have a day
and the brave army of the United States
would have been asked to contribute the
best company of every branch of its
service.