71
MEN.
Prince Napoleon is at present living in Switzerland and is engaged upon his long mohtated life of Napoleon I.
Henry Irving's manner at a party where he was supposed to be the lion is full of repose as a lion's ought to be. He keeps a tiger.
Sam Jones admires the American reporters as a rule, but the Minneapolis variety of tho genus he considers a moral mustardplaster.
T. L. Frank, son of the Flowery Land desires to be made a New Haven constable. He can elubbe, he saith allee samee Noo Lork man.
Prince Alfred of Edinburgh is studying at Coburg. He has some idea of going West when he comes of age and of growing up with the buffalo.
Bill Nye has the idea that a big book with nothing in it sells better than a small book full of matter. Let him try it on his constituents with a bank book.
Elkwood, Dak., has given birth to a genius whose motto is "To insure the life of a live man." Anybody can do that, but to insure the life of a dead man, that's posesion.
72
STARBEAMS
Mrs. Frances Hodgson Burnett is considered to be a beauty. She has fluffy red hair and a bright face.
The Princess of Wales has excellent taste and would have made an excellent miliner, but she did better and engaged in royalty.
Jayne, the expectorant man, made his fortune and left his widow in possession. She is estimated to be worth more than $3,000,000.
Fred Grant says his mother has not bought back the Washington residences from the Vanderbilts nor has Vanderbilt "made over" the property to her.
Lord Roseberry has invited Blaine to visit him. The noble lord, when in this country, was entertained by Blaine. One good turn deserves another.
Tom Ochiltree is reported to have received a London letter from Buffalo bill which ran somewhat this way "Dear Tom I've got the big bugs solid from the Queen down."
Miss Kate Vannab, the charming writer of both prose and verse and the vigorous dramatic and musical critic, is only 20 years old. If her talent expands and deepens with her years she will be a prodigy.
Lord Lansdowne is not without his honors. He is ten times a peer. Yet all his honors have not kept his heart tender. He lives easy himself but is content to let those under him have a hard time of it.
Baroness Burdette-Contts is always engaged in some bountiful work. She has taken a poor Irish village out of debt and done something to give the impoverished villagers another chance for prosperity.
Andrew Carnegie has taken a great house in Scotland for four months. He will place the corner stone of the Free Library at Edinburg. Andrew is an American of the Americans, but
Steadman, the poet is also Steadman, the banker. During the day he worships at the shrine of Jupiter and in the evening he woos the muse. He sustains a good reputation wiht the God of business and the Goddess of poetry.
What is the matter with Emily anyway? News comes from London that Miss Emily Faithful has cut loose from Liberalism and joined the Primrose League. People who do not advance always become conservative as age comes creeping on.
Cannon Wilberforce; of England, recently said "Everybody knows that what Boston does to-day America will follow to-morrow and what America does the whole world will follow." America is too large to feel the effect of flattery. But after the canon's remark Boston will feel more complacent than ever.
President Cleveland is credited with saying that Soer's? Lamar has the clearest and most comprehensive mind with which he has always had the reputation of looking far away into space, but some of his recent land decisions show that he has power of keeping firm on solid ground.
There is a girl in New York who is slowly but surely dying with the hicoughs. She has had them for three months and all efforts to stop them have so far proved unavailing. Girls have been known to talk themselves and others to death, but this is the first instance in which the hicoughs threatened to kill any one.
Corcoran, the millionaire, who established the art gallery at Washington is nearly ninety years old. He has lived to see his liberality blessed. His collection of art has given pleasure and enjoyment to thousands and has done untold good in educating the people to a wholesome taste for art. No one ever visits the Corcoran art gallery at Washington without feeling that no city is finished that has neglected to
73
THAT SAME OLD EARTHQUAKE.
The Ogre of Last August on a Devastating Tour of the World.
New York World.
The people of Charleston really ought to be more careful in handling their earthquakes. When they get though with them they should chain them up instead of allowing them to run loose over the planet and knck things around generall.y An earthquake, yo see, is a clumsty sort of affair, and when it stumps its toes against a village or city it losses its temper and kicks the whole things to flinders.
That Charleston ogre was born in a bad mood. It was as ugly a bute of the kind as we have heard in modern times. After it had upset the public building of the city it took a header under the Atlantic and came up on the beautiful shorts of the Mediteranean, which it just laid waste as easily as a whale would scatter a school of mackerel.
Then it apparently determined to make the tour of the globe. The latest news shows that it has got as far as Turkstan. The town of Vernome has been left a perfect wreck. More than a hundred people were killed, while more than another hundred were seriously injured. The panicstricken residents fled into the open country, and it is impossible as yet to rekon the disasters it has occasioned.
We do not want to be disrespectful even to an earthqueake, but it might be well for Buffal Bill to send one of his famous bucking horses to the east and let this fellow try to mount him. If that failed to quiet him we should simpt resign outselves to the inevitable.
74
ALL SORTS OF ITEMS.
Lighting goes without saying- N.O. Picayyne.
A hen is a very superior creature, but she never could lay a corner-stone.
The national drill was a financial failre. It did not strike oil. -Pittsburg Chronicle.
We are leable to run into a natural gas excitement.-Cincinnati Commercial Gazette.
The Czar is called His August Majesty because be regins in a summary manner. Boston Transcript.
Fashionalbe people no longer go away for the summer. It is the popular thing now to remain at home and watch the gas meter. Philadelphia North American.
An Arkansas man proposes to go to California in a baloon. In the even of his failure to do so he will "come down" bandsomely. - N.Y. Commerical Advertiser.
The "oldest postmaster" is the lastest vexation. This thing must be nipped in the bud, if the entire race of postmasters have to be flipped out to do it. -Boston Transcript.
One of the teachers in the school at Hampton, Va., recently asked on of the Indian pupils what lbs. stood for. "Elbows I guess," was the unexpected reply. -Exchange.
They sat withing the parlor room: I passed and her her say to him. "I wish, dear George, that you'd behave If not, I wish that you would shave." - Lowell Courier.
It is said that the celebrated "Emma Abbott Kiss" is but a myth, after all. She only pretend to kiss the tenors. It is not so bad to be an opera tenor, it seems, as some people have supposed.
The announcement that "Harvard's new shell has been tried and found unsatisfacroty" is rather startling. There were indications that Harvard had got out of its shell. -Boston Transcript.
We trust the report that Tennyson will project an ode at Buffalo Bill's cowboys, now sojourning in London, will prove to be incorrect. This poet Lariiar business is manifestly being over done.
Electric lightso n the street are held to be preventive of crimes. In New York they have apparently developed an epidemic of boodle among the aldermen. But then, anything will do that. -Boston Transcript
The Kentucky distillers have agreed to suspend the production of whisky for one year. It is beleived that this will enable the State in general and Rowan count in particular to sober up. -Lousiville Courier Journal.
Some men are every ready to offer a remedy for everything. The other day we remarked to one of these animated apothecarry shops: "An idea struck us yesterday." and before we could finish he advised us: "Rub the affected parts with arnica!" -Boston Gazette.
You say you stumped Texas for the Prohibition ticket. What Peculiarity of your audience struck you most forcilby?"
"Well," said the missionary, "The chunks of clay and peices of brick strcuk me most foribly, but the eggs stayed by me the longest."-Burdetter.
A FOURTH OF JULY RECORD.
1 Was a wide-awake little boy, Who rose at the break of day: 2 were the minutes he took to dress, then he was off and away. 3 were his leaps when he cleared the stairs, Although they were steep and high: 4 was the number of whcih caused his haste, because it was Fourth of July! 5 were his pennies which went to buy, A package of crackers red: 6 were the matches which touched them off And then- he was back in bed. 7 big plasters he had to wear To cure his fractures sore; 8 were the visits the doctor made Before he was whole once more. 9 were the dolorons days he spent in sorrow and pain; but, then, 0 are the seconds he'll stop to think Before he does it again.
75
Buck Taylor, formerly a Grant county cowboy, and a present in England, as one of the riders in Buffalo Bill's Wild West show, met with a serious accident at the American expositon grounds the other day. His horse caused him to collide with another rider, breaking his leg, so that he will not again be able to display his manly proportions, to the British nobility, as a representative of the dashing rider of the American plains.