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SHREDS AND PATCHES

Neck or nothing - A society bud - Life.

Brown -- "Hello, Jones! How's your wife?" Jones (a little deaf) -- "Very blustering and disagreeable this morning." -- Troy Times.

It is used as an argument, either for temperance or the bicycle, that no bicycle rider ever comes home drunk on his bicycle. -- Plaoyune.

Beer drinkers will be pleased to know that "a schooner to be bigger than any now known" is in progress of construction at Camden. -- Boston Commercial Bulletin.

A vocal authority declares that singers should have ten hours sleepy daily. As far as a great many of them are concerned, that time should include the evenings. -- Philadelphia North American.

It is all very well to begin with "two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one." Care should be taken that the two hears not soon detected in beating each other. -- Boston Post.

A retailer of one of the popular "spring" waters was seen filling his tank from a private well not a thousand miles from Somerville the other day. Things are not always what they seem. -- Boston Journal.

With or Without: Literary lodger (to new servant) - "Oh, you are the new servant, and what might your name be?" "Anner, sir." Literary lodger -- "Hannah or Anna?" Servant -- "Tain't neither, sir; its Anner, with two haltches." - Fun.

Scientist - "The planetary indications give assurance that there will be no rain for the next three days." Man with a bunion (smiling with a lofty superiority) - "There will be rain, sir, in less than twelve hours." And there was. -- Boston Beacon.