Wherefore, O Seniors, do you this thing? Each morning
am I wont to follow hither my master-him whom I love and whose
name is Professor Fossler. Verily him do I love, although at
times he cruel entreateth me and raiseth huge welts upon my tender
hide with the toe of his mighty boot. But of grain and the whole
some hay he giveth sparingly to me, and often do I hunger. So
even of late when to the verdant campus I followed him, I saw
within the luxuriant pasturage, and mine heart did bid me enter.
Being anhungered I restrained not myself, but sailed in with all
the ferocity of a conservatory maiden as she finisheth the piano,
unoffending though it be. Listen, Seniors! The gods hath heard
my cry. To-morrow a great calamity will fall and the University
shall be wrapped in darkness."
Having spoken, she was silent. In haste the Seniors did re
lease her, and hied themselves to the agora to report the portent.
And on that day other omens did befall. Prof. Dann's class in
the New Testament got over the whole assignment, twenty verses
though it was. Prof. Barber forgot to tell one of his jokes, amus
ing though they be, and of great antiquity withal. The Nebraskan
forgot its usual roast, and Commandant Chase excused from drill
a man with a wooden leg, though his other limbs were sound and
his faculties unimpaired. Verily, did all these things come to pass
on the day before the Laundry Trust was announced.
The next morn, as Rosy-Fingered Dawn appeared, the silver
tongued heralds that selleth the newspapers startled the people of
Lincoln with an ominous cry:
"Listen, O people," they cried, "to the news that we bear: the
faces of the gods are angry--a laundry trust hath been organized.
Hasten ye to bar your doors, for peril lurks without. Haste ye
first to buy of our store and learn the tidings for yourselves; for
of great import is the news."
In throngs that morning did the University folk pour into the
agora. Like as a maddened herd of cattle rusheth over the plain
with mighty bellow, or as a crowd of Freshman cometh forth from
the class meeting, did they pour in from all quarters. Like as the
flies hover over an open freezer in a Lincoln drug store, when the
delicious liquids are being poured in, nad many find a watery grave
therein, just to did this mighty host assemble. Even as a Junior
cries aloud in pain when he hath stubbed his toe and sorely doth
lament, even so did they cry aloud with wails and groans from the
depth of their hearts:
"Wherefore hath this dread visitation come upon us? What
have we done to incur the wrath of the gods? Verily are our
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