196

STARBEAMS.

The advancing price of coal does not make a very cheerful prospect for the poor.

White mountain resorts are expensive. Only piethoric purses can remain long in their vicinity.

John Bright has become so very fleshy that he is taking dietary treatment to reduce his weight.

Cider is in good luck. The prohibition people always exempted it from their "prohibited" beverages.

George Jones, of the New York Times, is a victim of hay fever Great men are frequently so afflicted.

Not to have gone to Europe in 1887 is something of a social mistake. Nearly all of that sort of people have gone.

Buffalo Bill will hereafter look on the "Wild West" as a tame affair. European success has dazzled his bright eyes.

Collies come high in England but some people must have them. A prize collie in London has been sold for one thousand dollars.

Notoriety for wealth is often a specious thing. Half the people swelling around as millionaires could not have their checks honored for fifty thousand.

The telephone is taking out patents on itself as a modern invention, but its claims run back to the year 1635. Modern people are continually doing over the old tricks.

Hard hearted people who pass the season at the summer hotels wish there was a Herod on the ground. The little folks are an encumbrance and a bar to flirtation.

The greatest attraction in Hillsboro, Md., at this time is a chicken which has four legs. It is well enough for every town to have something to be proud of and to brag about.

Seaside morality is said not to be a very elevated plane this year, but this is probably a slander. No doubt but it is as good and there is as much of it as there ever has been of it in any season.

The local papers published at the fashionable watering places are confidently believed to be the very thinnest ever printed. They will give no headache. Their silliness is so dense as the be sedative.

In this fermenting age the "Society man" begins to be recognized as "Mr." when he is about sixteen. His head at this time is empty but his cheek is large and hard. On this he forges to the front.

Chauncey M. Depew is a true Republican loving American simplicity, but he is now in Europe hobnobbing with the lords of the old world. Such is his urbanity and pilancy of disposition that he can meet anybody anywhere on equal terms.

A man in Alabama claims to have invented a flying machine which will work. He keeps it in the dark yet. That is probably the only place where it will work satisfactorily. Several men have had perpetual motion established--in the dark.

Young men, you are in danger. You cannot be too careful. It is said by that infallible person, the statistician, that the morality among young men this year has been larger than ever before. It is too bad about the young men! They should brace up.

General O.O. Howard, the fighting and praying general, is following up the seaside resorts of California lecturing on "General Grant." The great commander is a fruitful source for the pen and tongue of many who would be without an appropriate topic but for him and his services.

Won't this be "tony" and "swell?" A magazine is to be started in the East that will have contributions from "society people only." What a very perfumed affair it will be! The fear is that is will be edited by an inflated fool. And yet there is no reason that society people should not have a journal that should stand to them for an exponent of their views.