123

OUR PICAYUNES.
-------------------------
The first bale has commenced to come in.

The taste for [beans?] is a cultivated taste, else Boston people, highly cultivated, would not have it.

Books are so cheap now that the poorest people can buy and own them, and the richest can borrow and keep them.

Baseball is not pleasant in times of flood. Diamond fields should be left to diamond-backed terrapin when mud is knee deep.

Astronomer Proctor says he has discovered a couple of new suns. He should stick to whist; there are suns enough already for any summer use.

Uncle Simon Cameron has gone to Europe, accompanied by Colonel Seltzer and Larry Jerome. If he sticks to Seltzer he will go through all right.

Omaha World: "The title of the new lecture by George W. Cable is 'Cobwebs in the Church.' If George were bald headed he would let the cobwebs lone. They catch the flies."

The Boston Advertiser has been sold for $100,000. It is claimed that the paper lost $300,000 by its advocacy of mugwumpian ideas. That is considerably more than all the ideas are worth.

The proposition to put all sutlers, claim agents and politicians out of the Grand Army of the Republic with a grand bounce is a good one; but the purifiers will weaken on this and the degradation will continue.

It is noted that Buffalo Bill is more of a social lion in London than was Garibaldi at the zenith of his popularity there. Garry wore a red shirt and wanted to free his country. Bill let his hair grow long and lassoed cattle.

Jake Sharpe was a boodle alderman thirty years ago, long before he became a contractor, briber and convict. The boodler's passage to the penitentiary may be slow, but he gets there. Jacob knew exactly how to work an alderman.

Prof. Shaler's article on "The Instability of the Atomosphere," in Scribner's Magazine for August, will contain reproductions of a number of photographs taken immediately after disastrous tornadoes in the west, where the atmosphere at times is very unstable.

Ignatius Donnelly, who has wasted much time in providing himself a fool--saying Bacon wrote Shakspere's plays--touches lightly on this line, found in "Merry Wives of Windsor": " 'Hanghog' is Latin for bacon, I warrant you." It is not likely Lord Bacon would so have joked about himself, and thought it funny to call himself a "hang hog."

Omaha World: Omaha philosopher--Want to join our anti-poverty society? Anarchistic citizen--Been wantin' to join the anti-poverty society ever since I heard of it, but I ain't got the $1. "Don't cost a cent. All you have to do is sign your name to this paper." "Horray! Gimme the paper. What does it say?" "It's a temperance pledge."

Pittsburg Dispatch: "It is wrong," remarked Bernhardt's manager to a reporter, "to think that the great artist came here to get American dollars." "Indeed." "Yes, I can prove it to you very easily." "Tell me about it." "You can see how little she cares for American money when I tell you that before [?] she had it all changed into French money."

Omaha World: New Spirit--What does this mean? Have kings the same rights in heaven they had on earth? St. Peter--These kings you see up there were modern kings, mere figure heads of limited monarchies. On earth they were of so little account that now they are salted. "But I am way down here at the bottom of all." "On earth you ruled men with an iron hand; now you are humbled." "Too true." "Yes, you were an American political boss."

This is the season of the year when the country boarder eats salty ham and drinks blinky milk and has narrow escapes from mad bulls and playful goats, and imagines that he is recuperating his wasted energies.--[Cincinnati Herald.] This is the season when the city reprobate visits some town pump or spring in the interior, famous as a health resort--is made better because he leaves his whisky and bad habits at home--and swears the waters of the pump or springs have worked miracles.

Speaking of Herr Thomas, the ominent German, Mrs. Thurber says: "Mr. Thomas received $25,000 from the American Opera Company for the first season, and for the second season of American opera Mr. Thomas has received $12,000 in cash from the National Opera Company, besides $7000 in personal notes, which were given and accepted with the understanding that he would wait for the remaining amount due him." It is a great pity the American Opera Company could not have been conducted by Americans.

One dollar was sent to Police Captain Earhart, at the northwestern station, yesterday, with the following letter: "Please give amount inclosed to a family in need, as our dear Lord has granted me what I asked for a short time ago, and I will now send this amount to the poor."--[Baltimore Sun.] As an index of character this story would be more interesting if it told how much the party asked for and received. It would show the Lord's percentage, as fixed by the self-sacrificing and generout party.

Brooklyn Eagle: "And what did you do at the parsonage, Augustine?" asked mamma. "Played croquet," replied Augustine; "and say, mamma, I was the only one in the game who played honest and fair; all the others cheated." "That was like my own brave little boy," said mamma, stooping to kiss the broad, honest brow. "And why did my little boy play fairly?" "Had to," replied Augustine, a cloud of dark discontent settling darkly down upon the brow [hereinbefore?] mentioned: "had to; every time I tried to cheat I got caught."