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ALL SORTS OF ITEMS.

Lighting goes without saying- N.O. Picayyne.

A hen is a very superior creature, but she never could lay a corner-stone.

The national drill was a financial failre. It did not strike oil. -Pittsburg Chronicle.

We are leable to run into a natural gas excitement.-Cincinnati Commercial Gazette.

The Czar is called His August Majesty because be regins in a summary manner. Boston Transcript.

Fashionalbe people no longer go away for the summer. It is the popular thing now to remain at home and watch the gas meter. Philadelphia North American.

An Arkansas man proposes to go to California in a baloon. In the even of his failure to do so he will "come down" bandsomely. - N.Y. Commerical Advertiser.

The "oldest postmaster" is the lastest vexation. This thing must be nipped in the bud, if the entire race of postmasters have to be flipped out to do it. -Boston Transcript.

One of the teachers in the school at Hampton, Va., recently asked on of the Indian pupils what lbs. stood for. "Elbows I guess," was the unexpected reply. -Exchange.

They sat withing the parlor room:
I passed and her her say to him.
"I wish, dear George, that you'd behave-
If not, I wish that you would shave."
- Lowell Courier.

It is said that the celebrated "Emma Abbott Kiss" is but a myth, after all. She only pretend to kiss the tenors. It is not so bad to be an opera tenor, it seems, as some people have supposed.

The announcement that "Harvard's new shell has been tried and found unsatisfacroty" is rather startling. There were indications that Harvard had got out of its shell. -Boston Transcript.

We trust the report that Tennyson will project an ode at Buffalo Bill's cowboys, now sojourning in London, will prove to be incorrect. This poet Lariiar business is manifestly being over done.

Electric lightso n the street are held to be preventive of crimes. In New York they have apparently developed an epidemic of boodle among the aldermen. But then, anything will do that. -Boston Transcript

The Kentucky distillers have agreed to suspend the production of whisky for one year. It is beleived that this will enable the State in general and Rowan count in particular to sober up. -Lousiville Courier Journal.

Some men are every ready to offer a remedy for everything. The other day we remarked to one of these animated apothecarry shops: "An idea struck us yesterday." and before we could finish he advised us: "Rub the affected parts with arnica!" -Boston Gazette.

You say you stumped Texas for the Prohibition ticket. What Peculiarity of your audience struck you most forcilby?"

"Well," said the missionary, "The chunks of clay and peices of brick strcuk me most foribly, but the eggs stayed by me the longest."-Burdetter.

A FOURTH OF JULY RECORD.

1 Was a wide-awake little boy, Who rose at the break of day:
2 were the minutes he took to dress, then he was off and away.
3 were his leaps when he cleared the stairs, Although they were steep and high:
4 was the number of whcih caused his haste, because it was Fourth of July!
5 were his pennies which went to buy, A package of crackers red:
6 were the matches which touched them off And then- he was back in bed.
7 big plasters he had to wear To cure his fractures sore;
8 were the visits the doctor made Before he was whole once more.
9 were the dolorons days he spent in sorrow and pain; but, then,
0 are the seconds he'll stop to think Before he does it again.