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ALL SORTS OF ITEMS.

When a man is too busy to laugh he needs a vaction.

If you are good, you know it; if you are bad, everybody knows it.

Which is the worst sinner, the man who can sing and won't, or the man who can't sing and will?

A Chicago man who supports three elderly female relatives is wont tefer to them as his aunty poverty society. -Chicago Tribune

Pat Gilmore will never beleive tat the Queens Jubilee is a greater even than the one he got up a dozen years ago. -Lowell Citizen.

A widow may not be much of a gardener, but she always has an idea that she can raise orange blossoms from weeds. - Fall Kiter Adrance.

Diplomacy has a long, supple hand and a beautifully kept finger-nail. The handwriting of a diplmatist looks like a snake crawling away.

It is said that croquet is going to be revived again this summer. If you are engaged you had better get married before the quarrel. - Bulington Free Press.

In a Western co-educaitonal college, female sophomores haze good-look freshmen by blindfolind them and kissing them. This smack of captial punishment.

Russia nad France aver that Turkey's Grand Vixier has taken a briibe of $3,000,000 from England. This news is calculated to humbe the pride of even a New York Alderman. - N.Y. Graphic.

A servant who prided himself on living in a genteel family, being asked to define the term said : "Where they keep a carriage have three or four kinds of wine, and never pay a bill the first time it is called for."

First Kansas Woman - I didn't see you at the caucus last night. Second Kansas Woman- No; couldn't get away. John was not feeling well and I had to clear off the table and wash the dishes. -Tid-Bits

Buffalo Bill's viogour Western Style of expression has not been spoled by close contact with effete monarchy. In a letter to a friend in New York he says: "I have got all the big-bugs oslid, from the old Queen down."

Some Mexicans were caught robbing a freight car on a siding of the Mexican Central a few days ago, and the station agent telegraphed to headquarters as to how to proceed. The reply was: "Prosecute vigourously." He replied to this with, "Can't do it in this case, as they have been executed, but will do so in the next. -Wall street news.

TWO WAYS OF LOOKING AT IT.

You go upon the board of trade.
Where Marging Mergants meet,
And Take some little options
On January wheat:
You warch the little ticker
Till the hands swing round the ring,
Then you find your little boodie
Has gone a glimmering
That's business.

You go into a faro bank
And buy a stack of chips,
And watch the cards come from the box
Which the dealer deflty flys.
When your head is dull and aching
At the breaking of the day
You see that tickle fortune
has gone the other way.
Thats gambling
-Power and Transmission.