46

SHREDS AND PATCHES
Loud Lovell's lame excuse
Lord Lovoll he stood at his own front door
beaking the hole for the key,
His hat was wrecked and his trousers bore
A rent across either knee.
When down came the beauteous Lady Jane
In fair white draperoo.

"I'm not drunk, Lady Shane," he said:
"And so late it cannot be:
The clock struck one as I entered-
It must be the salmon on which T fed
Has been too many for me,"

"Go tell your tale, Lord LoveU," she said.
"To the [word] cavairee,
To your grandam of the hoary head-
To any one but me.
The door is not used to be opened
With a cigarette for a key,"

There is a great difference between a musket and a domestic. A musket never kicks until it goes off. - Yonkors Statesman.

A young lady at a ball called her escort an Indian because he was "on her trail" all the time - Hartford Sunday Journal.

Dialogue Between two Blind Sten - "Do you know the gentlemen who gave you the diem just now?" "Only by sight." - Paris Ganiois.

One danger of female suffrage is that the women may want the men to bet them $50 bonnets against $6 hats on the result. - Baltimore American.

A temperance paper asks bitterly, "Go into one of our gin palacos, and what do you find?" Very apt to find gin. - New York Commerical Advertisor.

It is little consolation for the men who dives into hsi drawer for a clean shirt and finds one with the buttons off to be told by his wife that she has been busy all week sewing for some other heaton. - Yonkers Statesman

An "ad" notice in a French provincial paper: "In order to put an end to certain injurious rumors, M. Untel desires to inform the public that he is no thte M. Untel of this city who was recently sentenced to death and executed."

She - Yes, Edward, we've got everything, I believe, but where's the baby? He - why, I gave it to you. She - I know, and I gave it back to you! He - Well, by thunder if I haven't gone and lost it in the parlor car! - Harper's Weekly.

The man who can perserve a calm and unimpassioned demeanor while holding four soes, or who can assume an air of self satisfied confidence while bluffing with two deuces, may often be observed later on cautiosly creeping up stairs in his stoking feet. - Pittsburg Dispatch.

A nice climate - Bliss Waldo (of Boston)- "You sometimes have very warm weather in Chicago, do you not, Mr. Breezy?" Mr. Breezy - "Occasionally but last summer the weather was delightful. I don't think I sat down to dinner without my coat on more than two or three times during the entire season." - Puck.

"So your son went over to Mexico," said a man, addressing a friend. 'Yes' "Did he like the country; that is, does he live well?" "Well, he doesn't live at all, but they tell me that he died as well as anybody ever did. Died right off without any follishness. I tell you what. Jim was not a hald way man" - Arkansaw Traveler.

Ponsonby- "Heard about Buffalo Bill, hay?" DeTwirliger- "Nevah heard of him. Who is he?" "Nevah heard! Anthaw, you pain me! The Queen visited him the other day and his Royal Highness visited him the other day and his Royal Highness shook his hand" "Baw Jovel Is that so? WHy don't the man visit America and give a chap a chawnce, you know," - Philladelphia Call.

Last Sunday a teacher in Maine Sunday school had been tolling her class about Moses, dwolling at length upon his character, and desiting to test their attention and memory she asked. "What kind of a child was Moses?' All was silent for a moment, when one fellow answered up: "I think he was a boy, ma'am." - Bangor Commercial.

Little Dot - "What makes these little doggies cry so when I take them up?" Omaha Mamma - "Because they don't like to be taken away from their mamma" 'Do they love their dog mamma just like children?' "It seems to me sometimes, dear, that they love their mamma a good deal better than some children do" 'Well, dog mammas can't spank." - Omaha World.

Mamma- Did you enjoy the reception last evening, my dear? Clara - Oh, ever so much. It was simply dilicione I met Mr. Albion, and his manner is just perfectly exquisite. We danced ever so many times Mamma - Mr. Albion! Where is this charming young gentleman from? Clara - I think he is from Chicago, but his manner is so perfectly English that you would think he had always lived in New York. - Old Bits.