32

OUR PICAYUNES.

Baseball is alwas played out and is generally popular.
A souttled ship is lost; but it is not the same with coal.
Fashion now demands cheap clothes that look expensive.
A woman wearing a curled wig is Hyporion to a satire.
Eating with gloves on may be fashionable, but it is not neat.
All insurance companies must have some line of policy marked out

It is a cold day in Michigan when there are no forest fires burning.

No young limb of the law is big enough to establish a branch office.

Washington is considered healthy enough fro an extra session of Congress.

Baseball players are most active in fly time. Some of them go out on a fly.

The perfection of military drill comes when soldiers are machines instead of [mou?].

Gamblers will take risks, but they do not like to risk their health on hard work.

The called bonds are bound to come. They are no longer of interest to the holders.

Two rights cannot make a wrong, unless they are shoes and the lefts are missing.

The young man who loafs about all winter is likely to go to the dogs by the dog days.

Buffalo Bill tickles John Bull. Cody takes the honors and Salisbury takes the money.

The London Exposition is not talked of, although much is said about Buffalo Bill's Show.

"Give us back our ancient baskets," is the cry of the peach peddlers of Pennsylvania.

[Charloy?] Smith thought his name was not funny enough, and so he called himself "Bill Arp."

Maine has a new stringent liquor law. This ought to touch the domestic blackberry wine trade.

The new statue unveiled at Washington makes Garfield appear in trousers that do not fit him.

Socrates had it about right when he said: "Woman once made equal to man becomes his superior."

Mark Twain, in his fool definitions, might call "plagiarism" something that plagues [honest?] authors.

A real fact is something that is. The assured fact, plain fact and fact of history is quite different.

A crack military company is one that goes all to pieces when the real work of a soldier is to be done.

Buckle had it that everything is governed by the doctrine of averages. The difficulty is in striking the average.

Molville Phillips has written a story called "The Devil's Hat." The hat was probably stolen while the owner was praying.

As if liquor would not drive a man crazy soon enough, some of the beer [sellers?] in the West hire brass bands to play in their gardens.

A long, hard summer is coming on. Straw hats are cheap; but champagne Juleps and honest seats on summer hotel verandahs are expensive.

A man may go in a drug store on Sunday, take a glass of [Viohy?] and eat a [clove?]. He cannot deceive himself. He has not had the drink he wants.

There is nothing like being satisfied. The Baltimore American says: "Heavan is good to Baltimore; but it could not be otherwise. Baltimore is such a good place."

An exchange says "Augustin Daly began life as a journalist." He must have been the youngest journalist of the World if the beginning of life is fixed at one's birth.

The Young Men's Christian Association in Philadelphia is $200,000 in debt. Running in debt is a bad habit. Good could be done in buildings and rooms less expensive.

Sins of commission are committed when the merchant charges too much commission for finding a customer. Sins of omission are the old ones of omitting to send the funds collected.

There is a military company in Mobile that will not drill unless young ladies are present to see them. They may get the bouquets, but they will not take first prize at the national drill.

Give a Chicago man control of 50,000,000 bushels of wheat and he will let the poor have it; always remembering that none are so poor as those who have sold what they do not own.

It is the opinion of the Courier Journal that it is more difficult for a camel to go to heaven through the eye of a needle than it is for a Senator to enter the White House as President.

One can always-take pains by eating green cucumbers. - [Boston Gazette.] He can take time by winding his clock up. - [New Orleans Picayune.] And he can take his e's by becoming a printer. [Chicago Tribune.] And he can take h. ill by taking it from the wrong case. [Jacksonville News.

Never allow a child to use a short pencil, lead, or slate. It spoils the handwriting. - [Boston Journal of Education.] Some of the men who make copy for printers must have used the shortest kind of stube in childhood, else they have an idea that illegible manuscript is a sign of genius on the part of the writer.

Wm. J. Florence intends to shine socially in his declining years. On the $15,000 site which he has purchased in the fashionable West End of Washington he will erect a costly residence and entertain his friends handsomely. Mrs. Florence, who has a great many dresses, will entertain the Dardenelles when they come over.